To Like Yourself or Not
To like being in your own skin is a beautiful thing. Karen Cook
To not like who you are is the same thing as spending time with someone else you do not like. It feels uncomfortable. Stressful. And you want to get away from them, especially after a certain amount of time.
Except you can't get away from yourself.
To love yourself feels the same as when you feel the love of someone else. The sun shines. You enjoy being with them. They make you smile, feel comfortable, and relaxed. You can be your real, authentic self around them. And you want to be with them.
Do you hear that? You want to be with yourself when you love yourself. You like your place in this world and you enjoy your existence here. You have value for yourself. That's a great deal!
Dislike of self tells you something is wrong with you, that you need to change who you are. And it encourages you to be negative, critical, and demeaning toward yourself; to not accept who you are.
If you agree with the voice of "disliking yourself" you will experience toxic shame. And you will believe you are flawed and that this makes you unloveable. You will go through your day believing you are flawed and unloveable and this will affect your interactions in the world. You will approach life with fear, caution, and defensiveness. Because you won't believe there are people, places and things for you in this world until you fix yourself.
You will feel like a fraud. And defective and you will engage in creating a false you. You will try to be someone else. So you won't say and do things that more easily allow for the connections you are meant for.
The truth is, we are all flawed. You are not alone. Your belief system tells you that you are, but you are not alone. The only difference between you and someone who loves themselves is they view their flaws and themselves through a different grid.
Our grid often comes from our environment. If we've loved it is easier to love ourselves. If the people in your early environment were too broken and wounded or lost themselves, they probably did not love themselves and so they didn't know how to love you. This is multigenerational wounding. And it comes equipped with lies that say you are no good.
If you struggle with "dislike of self," I invite you to talk to a trusted, wise, understanding friend or call up a counsellor and go for counselling. Don't settle for living in a dark, unwanted belief system.
Counselling can help you close that dark door of wounding as you heal, and help you open a new and wanted door that makes living in your body and being you pleasant, enjoyable, relaxed and a place you want to be.
It is a much better way to live.
Karen Cook Counselling & Therapeutic Life Coaching
Eating Disorders and Women's Issues Specialist
This is your season to learn, grow, and develop a full and deeply satisfying life.