Facebook has been lighting up with women awaiting season eight of The Gilmore Girls. Women are speaking from their Hearts as they talk about it, waiting excitedly for the release, nearly ten years after season seven ended.
This show has touched us and I think there is a reason. Something in it resonates with us. Yes, some of it is the great cast of characters, the superb writing, a plot that draws us in. But it's also the relationship between Loralai and Rory.
There is an ease and a flow to their relationship. They talk from their hearts and their core. They value and love each other. Respect grows from it.
They are friends.
Within the mother/daughter relationship is a friendship, a heart connection, and a depth of intimacy that allows them to really know each other, understand each other and also know and understand themselves better.
WE ALL LONG FOR THIS WITH OUR MOTHERS AND OUR DAUGHTERS.
There is a movement called MEAN MOM'S, that states loudly, "I am not my children's friend. I am their mother. Right now my kids are angry at me because I'm not letting them do what they want."
What they are missing is there is friendship with your children, and then there is friendship. Friendship with your children does not mean you cannot also be their parent. It is possible to be friends with your kids and still be their parent.
In simplistic terms, it's the difference between talking at them or talking with them. Loralia talks with Rory. Loralai mother talks at Loralai. When we talk at our children, it has the same feeling as what we see happen with Laralai's mother talks to her. To bring it home, it has the same feeling for us if our spouse or friends talk at us. We feel disconnected. Unloved. Alone.
And there is nothing worse for us than to feel disconnected from the people who are suppose to love us. It provides room for fear and low-self esteem to speak, even low lying trauma. We might comply with the words being spoken at us, but it is voice of the richness of connection Loralai and Rory have.
Here's the thing, your children know what is going on in your life even if you don't tell them. More often than not, they feel it.
Yes, you need to be an adult and age appropriately hide things from them. If you hide too much you present a phony front to your children and create something false. I am not saying you should fall apart or inappropriately display your "stuff" for them to see, but if you are the expert, and they know nothing, and you stand on your padestel and tell them how to live their life without allowing them input and having a heart connection with them, you are raising them without the intimacy you see between Loralia and Rory.
Does Lorali do everything perfect? Of course not. No one does. And, she is raising Rory alone, so there is not that other person who can shore up some of her weaknesses.
But what we do have is a woman who has found the key to an intimate, healthy connection with her daughter by walking WITH HER in life, rather than standing at a distance and telling her how to do it. She is engaged from her heart and is honest about her own failings and strengths, age appropriately. Loralai is showing Rory a person is not perfect, and their love surpasses the natural failings we have as people, establishing a stable, nurturing, close relationship with her daughters, that allows her to both be her friend, and lead.
The theme song is, "Where you lead, I will follow."
Loralai has learned how to lead in a way that allows her a healthy friendship with Rory. Which is in contrast with her relationship with her mother, who taught Loralia how to "do" the right things in life, but who's heart was far removed from her daughters. The result was a death to the relationship, because more than anything we need that heart connection that allows the right kind of honesty and unconditional love and belief.
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!