Endings March 19
By the time a relationship ends, many words have been spoken and left unsaid. Actions have been taken and not taken. Whether either have been each individual's truth or not, the words and action given, and left undone, have an effect. Years later you can live with these spoken and unspoken messages in your head as if with a haunting. If only I had not said this, if only I had done that...
And when the relationship has breathed it's last breath, a main piece of advice commonly given is to take responsibility for your part. This is good and necessary advice that helps you deal honestly with what occurred and allows you to course correct any actions for the future.
But this is not enough. We are perhaps missing another important piece of advice that equals, or even surpasses the latter. That is, to make sure you take time to honor what you did say and did do that was your truth and was good and right for you to say and do. These were the life giving actions you gave to the relationship, and spoke of what was good in you, and good towards the relationship. These too, you want to remember, and keep them as a part of you as you move through life. While the former may speak to your weakness or the weaknesses of the relationship, the latter speaks to your strengths, to what was good.
If this is your story, I would encourage you to do something to honor the genuine attempt of your heart and choices to see it succeed. No one does everything right in a relationship, and to silence the reminders of your failings, real or not, find a place that is meaningful to you, light some candles, bring a friend who knows this place with you, and honor that real place of your heart and desires. And let the hurtful words still swirling in your mind go, to the truth of what was still right and good and true of you.
Personality is Your Fingerprint
Do you know the deep satisfaction of being familiar with and valuing yourself and your uniqueness? Can your freely live this out, whether you are quieter, more detailed, thoughtful, curious, in love with unusual things, or hospitable and outgoing? Each attribute you have in your personality if there for a reason. Do you know that?
Character is born of your choices. Personality is developed in the way you are wired and formed in the womb. It is visible at birth. It is reshaped in the growing up years. Adolescence is the natural time of seeking to bring it more into its true form by your choosing. All through your life, you are choosing and not choosing, thereby shaping it as you go.
Each person is made different, yet unique. We long for both, to belong by being the same. To be distinct by being unique. We wrestle with both, as we balance choosing our way to go, and its effect on those around us.
If you are one to not easily value and enjoy your uniqueness, creating the life meant for you to live will be challenging, for the blueprint to your life and your purpose is hidden in the unique self you have been created to be. The clues reside in you.
Life needs you to take the time to know yourself and to know the value you were created with. It matters that you find the place made for you.
You need to take the time to know yourself, and to know in your very essence you are valuable the way you are, even as you evolve and change throughout the years. For no one else can fit into your place exactly as you can. And you cannot enjoy life without finding and the real you, and letting her matter.
Relaxation, A Readily Available Antidote
Researchers in the field of psychology keep finding relaxation to be an effective activity which aids in healing many emotional difficulties such as stress, depression, anxiety and eating disorders.
We live in a world spinning faster and faster as the moments, months and years go by. Even the young declare their time flies, and their future is not so far into the distance they are traveling too. It is easy and almost natural to step into this ever increasing pace life continues to generate.
So 'take 5' each day as a minimum dose. Take 5 three times a day if you can. Allow the muscles and tension in your body to relax. Realize your heart beating, the rythum of your breathing, the sense of your own skin touching the surface you are resting on. Turn your attention to the sounds around you, in the room, from outside the room, or coming in through the open window. And when your done, return to your day refreshed!